Numbers Game
by coincidencless
Summary: At long last, the rest of the world was free!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Deltarune. Toby Fox does.**

 **Just a little Deltarune oneshot that I wrote up in a handful of hours. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

They were here. They were with him! They'd made the door, they were _here_ and they were _free!_

He could see them so clearly. There was the Anagram, the Character Development, and the Puppet. They'd escaped, made into his little nook in reality. They'd carved open a path for him, back into the prison, the prison filled with so much life life _life_ and _FUN!_ Oh, what had Jevil been thinking, locking it all away in prison?

Oh, right, _that_ was what he'd been thinking.

Well, who who who cared?! The Puppet and their comrades were here. They could play, play the best game in the world!

Jevil, of course, had the first turn. He called down his knives and they backpedaled. He could see see _see_ it, feel it in the air as his world began revolving around him, warping and twisting now that the way was open. He giggled and warped around, firing a volley of spades at the Puppet's shield, at Puppet's heart, at Puppet's _soul._ It ducked and dodged around the arena, but Jevil was always faster, appearing before it to barrage it with grazingly-close magic.

The battle went on! And oh it went so gloriously on! Anagram chanted. Character Development spun her axe. Puppet spun around and wrought havoc. Jevil set loose his hearts and spades and horses, spinning the Puppet's head and heart with dizzying, unfair patterns that shifted and moved around the arena chaotically. He laughed and laughed because it'd been so so _long!_

He danced, he metamorphosed into knives and tore across the enemy like a tornado. They desperately tried cramming food into each others' mouths, desperately milking Anagram's healing magic, but Jevil was ever so good at number games, he was dropping them faster than they could keep up!

"Come on! Ralsei, get _up!_ " Character Development shouted, flinging her axe at him in frustration. He giggled as the blow knocked his head loose and sent it bouncing on its spring, but Jevil pulled it back and tore her apart with diamonds.

It was just Puppet left, cramming burgers and candy and chocolate into its mouth as Jevil continued the onslaught, bludgeoning it with ducks and horses and Everyman. With a final whirl of spade-bombs, Puppet's HP fell to zero.

Jevil's unhinged laughter burst from him as he flickered and danced about the arena. He'd won he'd won he'd _won!_ The red heart shattered and listen to that! Listen! It's the sound of...!

 _ **It appears you have reached...**_

 _ **An End.**_

 _ **Will you try again?**_

 _ **No?**_

 _ **Then the world was covered in darkness.**_

Oh but this was just the beginning wasn't it? He cackled maniacally and launched himself through the door and into the jail. Jevil hovered into the elevator and slammed a blade into the button marking the lowest floor. The sparking, hissing control panel beeped pitifully and went silent.

Whoopsy! Ah well, he'd just take the short way! Jevil folded himself out of existence, and warped back into it on the basement-with-many-cages floor. Summoning his magic to him, he _began._

The guard in the trash can was ripped apart by her own diamond suit. The animals were torn to ribbons by exploding clovers, and there in that last cage, oh ho ho!

"Well look who it is!" Jevil said, rubbing his hands together excitedly as he warped into place. "King of Diamonds, King of Hearts, King of Clubs. How's it been?"

"J-Jevil?!" King of Diamonds stammered, leaning back on his serpentine body and pressing against the bars behind him. "H-How did you get out?"

"How I got _in_ you mean! The Puppet came by and let itself free to play a little game with me! They were fast and strong, but!" He placed a hand on his collar and _plinked_ one of the bells on his hat with the other. "I'm faster and stronger oh yes! More patient, too - lose the game just once and they gave right up!"

"W-What are you going to do with us?" King of Clubs whimpered, his many heads bowing low to the ground. "We want no part in any of your games, Jevil!"

"Help us instead!" King of Hearts _blubbed_ in his language. "King of Spades has gone mad and deposed us! Reinstate us and you'll, we'll give you - "

"Oooh, so _that's_ why it's not four of a kind!" Jevil chuckled, falling into his back in midair. "Hey, he's probably at the top of this house of cards! I'll go talk to him in a bit! But first for _you_ lot..." Jevil materialized a bomb of each of the four suits behind him. "Uee hee hee! Let's play a little numbers game!"

"No!" King of Diamonds pleaded, holding his hands out. "We beg of you, no! No, we don't want to - "

"Too late, I'm playing and I get to choose!" Jevil smashed his chaos bombs onto the ground, filling the room with roaring missiles. He summoned more and more, everywhere across the room. The cage's bars shattered and the kings went free - from that prison at least, they were never getting _out_ out - and tried to run but oh ho there was nowhere to go! A crimson devilsknife cut them off and more suits from all directions, unpredictable and saturating, depleted the Kings' massive HP pools in no time.

Jevil danced, as his chaotic dervish shattered the stone and ended their lives, shimmering across multiple places at once as his heart felt like it was going to burst inside his chest! Oh this was the stuff! The ease! The way their life just melted under his power like butter! Oh it was so euphoric! No need to farm, no need to think through the puzzles! Just unleash the chaos and _hope!_

He tore through the bottom floor, then the worked his way up through the Ruddins and Hathys. He found the new Jack of Clubs, someone named Clover, having a birthday, so he threw her a birthday _Jevil'd_ never forget! There was that old nobody Rouxls Kaard, went down with a single diamond and _oh_ that was.

Um.

Kinda boring actually.

They fought _back_ of course, don't be silly and think it was just an effortless stomp! It was only an _easy_ stomp, diamonds and hearts struck Jevil on his back and his stomach and under his feet but it wasn't like he could, you know, _die_. He ripped through the top floor, catching up with and passing by the Jack of Spades, leaving behind a dizzying, collapsing whirl of spade bullets to deal with him.

King of Spades was indeed on the ceiling of Card Castle and - oh _goodness_ was that a second Dark Fountain? That was... amazing! Fascinating! When the good doctor had told him of the plot going on he hadn't thought it'd be an honest-to-Dog _second fountain._

Oh, right, King of Spades. Jevil kept forgetting. He pulled his many selves back into one and faced the king who, incidentally, had pulled away from whatever he was doing and settled into a battle stance.

"JEVIL!" King of Spades boomed, shaking the stone. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"Oh Spadey!" Jevil warped behind him and leaned over his shoulder, sinking fingers like razors into the cloak. "It's just a chaos!" King of Spades startled and swiped a meaty hand at him, but by then Jevil was already upside down above his head. "You've all been locked in here so long, must be dull! Lucky you it's been dull being free, too! Now you can help me with that!" Another swipe, but Jevil was back in place.

"You were sealed away once before!" King of Spades roared, reaching into his stomach's mouth and firmly pulling out his spade lance. "By the Knight's will I will see you back behind bars where you belong, Mad Joker!"

"Pbbbhhhht!" Jevil responded, blowing a raspberry for his first turn.

"RARGH!" King of Spades responded, and two things happened at once. First, his black cloak fluttered off into the breeze, sailing away like a bird. Second, he tossed his lance at Jevil. Ooh, ooh, he had to make sure King of Spades got his _good_ side.

Jevil warped in place so that he was turned, and the lance dug into the ether on his left. It didn't even sting! What kind of attack was that?

His answer was questioned - whoops, wrong way! - when a binding box formed around him. With a heave, King of Spades _tossed_ it over to his right, flooding it with a line of spades.

The way to avoid this attack was trivial; the answer was to simply warp behind King of Spades and blow another raspberry. Oh, and then bash him with a crimson scythe and knock him over the edge.

With a startled shout, King of Spades _tipped_. For a moment it looked like he'd be able to find balance with one foot, so Jevil fired a diamond at his ankle and sent him over. With a furious roar he _plummeted_ \- because he was chained by, of all things, _gravity -_ with Jevil following him at a distance as they went down, down, down. Spade Floor, Club Floor, Heart Floor, Diamond Floor...

 _WHOOMPH!_

Oooh, ground floor. Stuck the landing! A perfect ten! "Looks like I win again~" Jevil sang above King of Spades's motionless body.

Legions of Ruddin Rangers and High Hathys turned to face him. Jevil rose and held his hands out to either side, gripping a blade in each.

The standoff lasted a moment. Then Jevil broke into a grin so wide it sent his head bobbing on its spring. "Hey there fellas! Name's Jevil! You don't remember me but I was the Court Jester once a time!" His grin grew wider and his yellow pupils shone. "Wanna see something fun?!" Jevil half asked, half demanded.

Then he began.

* * *

Tearing a line to the far ends of the Dark World was _so_ boring and unpredictable. Jevil hopped and twisted everywhere. One moment by the smith. One moment by the dark eye puzzle. The maze. The other maze. The Great Board. The secret chest that once held a key piece.

Oh it was so much fun, _fun!_ Jevil was making up for plenty of lost time. It wasn't like it mattered. They couldn't actually _feel_ , just put on a clever show of doing so! A magic trick like nothing before. Jevil had nothing to fear, either. The Knight and Queen didn't even really exist yet, they were just thoughts, just speculations. So he was free to do anything in this unfree place. And he could do _anything._

Jigsawries, Ponmen, and C. Rounds and K. Rounds, he butchered them all with shifting, unpredictable waves of his tireless magic. He flickered in and out of reality as he danced, a dozen of him at a time because oooooooh his heart was pounding so hard, he was giddy and lightheaded with adrenaline and he just couldn't _contain_ himself!

As Jevil warped along a spiral path in the scarlet forest - he'd ripped the paper ballerinas apart - it happened. Magic like nothing he'd felt yet crashed into his back, sending him to the ground. Surprised, he warped so that he was - still on the ground but now facing _up!_ Haha!

That gave him a perfect view of the line of razor-diamonds crashing into his neck. Hard enough to chip his neck-spring. _NOT!_

"Jevil," came an old, tired voice.

Not even bothering to warp, Jevil rose into the air on a fountain of his power, staring at the figure who'd attacked him. And a beaming smile split his face in two.

"Seam!" he cheered, warping over to hug his old friend from behind. "Seamy, Shawmster, Shawmyster!" Seam _nnghed_ and tried to club him over the head with a magic staff, but by then Jevil had stuttered a safe distance away.

"That's _enough,_ Jevil. I take it those three failed." The old, ragged cat looked down sadly, his button eye still as stone. "Ha, ha. So much for heroes."

"Those three, those three..." Jevil pondered, putting a hand to his chin and looking away. "Oh, _those_ three! Anagram, Character Development, and Puppet? Yeah they were great! Lasted so many rounds with me! I won though, I always win! Now I'm back back _back_ to give this place the chaos it needs!"

Seam nodded wearily. "Yes, ha ha. The chaos it needs. King of Spades's cloak was right, you _have_ gone on a killing spree."

"Pfft," he said, waving it off. "Big _deal._ It's not like it matters."

"Ha ha," Seam chuckled, hunching over his gnarled stick of a staff for support. "No, I suppose it doesn't. But you know I can't just _let_ you do this. Jevil, why not come by? I have a shop. We can have darkburgers and catch up."

"Ooh, a shop!" Jevil shouted, pepping up. "Great idea!" He warped to the shop, grabbed two burgers, and warped back just as fast. Seam startled as a burger popped into existence over his head, and winced when it _bopped_ him over the noggin and fell to the ground.

Jevil, for his part, floated in air like he was in a seat, munching noisily on the burger and spewing it everywhere.

"Not exactly what I had in mind, ha ha. Oh old friend, who was that man? What things did he tell you? Please, for old times sake. I wish to know."

"Ah, lots of things," Jevil said, waving it off. He was already done with his food. Man but he'd missed _food_ while the world had been locked away. "Mm, don't really feel like telling it all." He thought about _why_ he didn't feel like telling it. "Oh, right. We're on a time limit. Only got so long until ol' Puppet's head cools off and I play with it again! So I'll give you a hint." Jevil warped over to Seam's shoulder, who flicked a ragged ear. "I'm not kidding when I say it's all just a game! Think it's some tricky mischief metaphor ha ha!" He thought about it a bit more, squinted really hard, looked in the places the doctor had told him to look. "Well... it's not a _game_ right now," he muttered. Jevil pepped back up. "But close enough! Makes no difference to us." Seam opened his mouth, but Jevil interrupted him with a gasp and rose into the air. "Seam! How about a little game! For old time's sake!"

Seam chuckled mirthlessly again. Sheesh, he could stand to lighten up. "Ah, your numbers game, Jevil? Very well. I suppose I shall obli - " Seam cut himself off suddenly enough to make Jevil's eyes widen in shock. Then the magic missiles were upon him.

Bursts of hearts, rushes of diamonds, cutting lines of spades and pinwheels of clubs collapsed on Jevil like a tsunami and _oh ho ho ho it tickled it tickled!_ He warped to safety and dropped a hoard of carousel horses on Seam, who twirled his staff above him like a propeller and deflected them. Still spinning, the staff _surged_ outward, growing a hundred times in length while not slowing down an inch.

"Oof!" Jevil said as he was knocked on the head. "Aha!" In the side. "Haha!" The head again, sending him to the ground hard enough to leave a crater.

Oh, he and Seam danced, they _so_ danced. Fool and Magician. Black and Red. It's been so long it brought a single tear to his eyes!

Jevil, naturally, turned it into a club and threw it at Seam as he leaped between the shattered trees like a panther.

Seam struck out with his staff. He summoned fields of hearts with only a single safe path, only to flood the path with spade-bombs. He pounced from branch to branch, he turned the ground under Jevil into a giant button and sent it spinning spinning. Duplicate staves clashed and dueled with his many scythes all around them. He bashed, blasted, sliced and zigged and zagged.

But every time Seam struck Jevil, Jevil struck twice. His stampeding ducks stripped the land of trees, he warped around with three of him at a time and fired diamonds like a machine gun. Clubs hung in the air firing orbs in off-angled ways to take him off guard. Crimson scythes tore simmering, seething scars in the rock. He turned the world into an abyss, hailing devilsknives from the sky and lighting them in pillars of burning light. He struck Seam in the chin, the eyesocket, in the wrist, sending his old friend wincing and stumbling each time.

The land cracked and flashed with their magic. Jevil's pulse pounded hard enough to put him out of his mind, to send him everywhere around the battlefield at once. Even Seam flickered, stutter-walking between the shadows and appearing from nowhere in the light patches. They dueled and dueled until finally, at long long last -

"Enough," Seam panted, releasing his staff and resting his hands on his knees. "You're just as young and spry as I remember, old friend."

"Hey hey, y-you're not too shabby yourself!" Jevil continued to flicker around, stammering and giggling with how his pulse was going wild. His skin tingled with the magic attacks he'd been subjected to. Oh he hadn't had a chaos like that in ages! "So so s-so what next what next? Hmm, maybe - "

A tune started up. It came from the heavens, resounding across the world. Jevil turned his eyes to the sky "Phewy!" he swore, twirling his tail. "Looks like it's time to go, and just when we were having such fun! Round two with Puppet and Co.!"

"The... heroes, you mean?" Seam managed to say, staring up at him. "I thought you'd destroyed them."

"Eh!" Jevil shrugged. "J-Hust a little! They can get better! They're getting better right now! See you around Seam! See you - "

 **FILE LOADED**

They were here. They were with him! They'd made the door, they were _here_ and they were _free!_

He could see them so clearly. There was the Anagram, the Character Development, and the Puppet. They'd escaped, made into his little nook in reality. They'd carved open a path for him, back into the prison, the prison filled with so much life life _life_ and _FUN!_ Oh, what had Jevil been thinking, locking it all away in prison?

Oh, right, _that_ was what he'd been thinking.

Well, who who who cared?! The Puppet and their comrades was here. They could play, play the best game in the world...

* * *

 **Deltarune blew me away and reminded me just how phenomenally talented Toby is. Go play it now if you haven't - though considering you're reading fanfiction of it I _really_ hope you already have! **

**Please do leave a review, let me know what you think.**


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